elliottsimpson
17th July, 2002, 8:58 PM
The following was in "Hoolet" - the magazine of RCGP (Scotland).
If you'll excuse the introduction of "Bullshit" into this web-site, then you'll find the following quite educational.
You Too Can Speak Management
By Sandy Sutherland
I stepped down in April after 4 years as chairman of Lothian LMC. During my term in office I sat through interminable meetings with management where they seemed to speak a different language from the English that had served me well up to that point in my life. Towards the end of my stint I began to see how it worked. The following Guide may be of interest to readers of hoolet.
Instant access to the Inner Circle can be yours with:
SUTHERLAND'S EASY GUIDE TO MANAGEMENT BULLSHIT.
The key to management speak is imaginative use of a relatively small vocabulary of versatile, but relatively meaningless words listed below.
VERBS
NOUNS
ADJECTIVES
Formulating
effectiveness
key
Evaluating
change
local
Developing
partnerships
clinical
Delivering
stakeholders
strategic
Implementing
agenda
joined up
Consulting
strategy
effective
Endorsing
pathway
developing
Standardising
opportunities
sensitive
Rationalising
consensus
committed
Promoting
process
cultural
Rolling out
development
opportunistic
Flagging up
commitment
consultative
Improving
inequalities
Engaging
policies
culture
GETTING STARTED
Start slowly, take a noun and a verb and experiment: 'we are implementing our strategy' 'we are rolling out change'
Add an adjective:
'we are rolling out strategic change'
Why stop at one, try two adjectives:
Now start building your sentences by roaming across the columns selecting words almost at random:
'local stakeholders are formulating strategic pathways' 'key clinical partners are implementing the development agenda'
MORE ADVANCED LEVEL
Once you have mastered the basics you can take off into the realms of super management speak, producing impressive drivel at the drop of a hat.
'key stakeholder partnerships are formulating, evaluating and promoting an effective change culture'
'the strategic inequalities change process has flagged up the need for an effective local consensus to identify key development pathways'
SPECIAL POINTS:
o It is absolutely vital that the words 'general practitioner, nurse or patient' do NOT appear in your document. Patients must always be referred to as 'service users' If reference to GPs is unavoidable, the term 'primary care workers' may be used.
o Money must never be referred to directly. Phrases such as 'cost envelope', 'fund release', or 'targeted investment' are useful provided they are not used in a way that implies a commitment.
After ten minutes study and half an hour of practice you should be able to award yourself an MBA- Master of Bullshit (Advanced).
If you'll excuse the introduction of "Bullshit" into this web-site, then you'll find the following quite educational.
You Too Can Speak Management
By Sandy Sutherland
I stepped down in April after 4 years as chairman of Lothian LMC. During my term in office I sat through interminable meetings with management where they seemed to speak a different language from the English that had served me well up to that point in my life. Towards the end of my stint I began to see how it worked. The following Guide may be of interest to readers of hoolet.
Instant access to the Inner Circle can be yours with:
SUTHERLAND'S EASY GUIDE TO MANAGEMENT BULLSHIT.
The key to management speak is imaginative use of a relatively small vocabulary of versatile, but relatively meaningless words listed below.
VERBS
NOUNS
ADJECTIVES
Formulating
effectiveness
key
Evaluating
change
local
Developing
partnerships
clinical
Delivering
stakeholders
strategic
Implementing
agenda
joined up
Consulting
strategy
effective
Endorsing
pathway
developing
Standardising
opportunities
sensitive
Rationalising
consensus
committed
Promoting
process
cultural
Rolling out
development
opportunistic
Flagging up
commitment
consultative
Improving
inequalities
Engaging
policies
culture
GETTING STARTED
Start slowly, take a noun and a verb and experiment: 'we are implementing our strategy' 'we are rolling out change'
Add an adjective:
'we are rolling out strategic change'
Why stop at one, try two adjectives:
Now start building your sentences by roaming across the columns selecting words almost at random:
'local stakeholders are formulating strategic pathways' 'key clinical partners are implementing the development agenda'
MORE ADVANCED LEVEL
Once you have mastered the basics you can take off into the realms of super management speak, producing impressive drivel at the drop of a hat.
'key stakeholder partnerships are formulating, evaluating and promoting an effective change culture'
'the strategic inequalities change process has flagged up the need for an effective local consensus to identify key development pathways'
SPECIAL POINTS:
o It is absolutely vital that the words 'general practitioner, nurse or patient' do NOT appear in your document. Patients must always be referred to as 'service users' If reference to GPs is unavoidable, the term 'primary care workers' may be used.
o Money must never be referred to directly. Phrases such as 'cost envelope', 'fund release', or 'targeted investment' are useful provided they are not used in a way that implies a commitment.
After ten minutes study and half an hour of practice you should be able to award yourself an MBA- Master of Bullshit (Advanced).