Thought for the Day

[elliottsimpson]

During the past few of weeks I've been discussing with a couple of NextGeners the risk of becoming a "self-fulfilling prophecy" by worrying too much about what other people think about you. I wondered if, as many of you are waiting for interview dates, etc., there is a risk that some of you too will thinking less of yourself than you should. If so, read on.

During my career there have been several people who have told me that I would never make it. All that was needed for that to become true, was for me to believe them! (OK, being confident about your future doesn't guarentee success, but the opposite does apply.)

A number of years ago, I was at a Conference (Brighton, I think) and met another biochemist who was working with a particularly forthright colleague in a hospital where I'd worked many years previously. "So, has she told you that your attitude is totally wrong and that you'll never make it?" I asked. He looked shocked and asked "how did you know?" "Cause she told me that, and over the years, she has also told - - " and I named another 3 or 4 colleagues who are all now Consultant Clinical Scientists who'd worked in her department at various times. Like all of us at the time it happened to us, he thought he was the only one who'd ever had this treatment. Next time I met him, he'd left for a promotion south of Hadrian's Wall.

So, with all this being fresh in my mind, I was interested to read the following in "The Word for Today" - a booklet with a few lines for each day for a three month period which is available free of charge from United Christian Broadcasters (let me know if you want a trial copy) - for Friday 16th November.


Feeling rejected?

" - - on the day you were born you were despised, then I passed by and saw you - - " (Ezekiel 16: 5-6 (NIV))

When you've been abused you not only carry with you the memories, but also anger over the fact that nobody stepped in to help you. Listen: "no one looked on you with pity - - you were thrown out into the open field - -" (Ezek 16:5)

Private rejection is bad enough, but when it happens in public, you feel vulnerable and worthless. You think to yourself, "if they don't think I'm worth anything, then maybe I'm not". Wrong! Never allow someone else's opinion of you determine how you see yourself! That's too much power to give to anybody. If others don't value your worth, that's their problem - unless you make it yours!

When people reject you, it's because they don't have the ability to see inside you, or hear the meaning behind your words, or feel the quality of your touch. They've bought into a lie; make sure you don't buy into it also!

Until you learn to care for yourself, you won't be able to care properly for anybody else. You can only give to others out of the well of your own self-esteem. Most physical abusers don't hate their families, they hate themselves. It just overflows to those nearest. Paul says, "he who loves his wife loves himself". But what if he doesn't love himself?

"What's the answer?" you ask. Listen: "then I passed by and saw you - - " (Ezek 16:6). God sees you. He loves you, and He has a wonderful plan for your life. When you can accept that, your healing has begun.


Sermon over - CU Elliott

[relliott]

Elliott is very right indeed.

Never ever doubt yourself, because if you don't believe in yourself then nobody else ever will.

There is a small phrase which I once heard (admittedly not from such a well read source as the bible, but from a rather dodgy movie known as the Rocky Horror Picture Show) that stuck in my mind and everyone should live by it:

Don't dream it..... Be it!

Maybe we should start a thought for the day forum...

[andrewbaillie]

What very wise people we have visiting this site!
Anyone else joining the next gen cult?

But seriously it is sooo true. One of the first things I was told (by a person much wiser than me) when I first said that I wanted to do medicine after I graduated from my current degree and I was doubting whether i had the right qualities was, 'you have to believe that you can do it, cos if you dont then no one else will'.

[jojo]

Know this isnt quite the same thing but thats what i tell my wee boys and girls at karate when i help with their classes.If they believe in themselves and think they'll do well - then they will.However if they think they're goingto get beat then they will because if you dont believe in yourself you cant convince others to !!
So i have to agree with what Elliott is trying to say trust in yourself cuase you CAN do it!!

Luv Jo xx

[DScollon]

Another anecdote...

I remember being at an open day in Strathclyde University when I was at school and being told by a professor there that I would never get a place studying medicine because I didn't have medical parents (this was a few years ago when it would have been easy to believe this).

Fortunately my Dad had the wisdom to "get me told" that if I wanted to do it, I just had to apply and I would get in. I needed to have the confidence that I could do it.

How right he was.

[nicolacurrie]

what a wonderful thread, really like it. Am gonna visit it whenever i feel down!

nic xx

[relliott]

Belief of any sort is a strength, most especially belief in yourself. As long as your belief never falters, neither will your strength.

Remember though that strength is found in other people too. Nobody can do it all on their own. It's also okay to admit that things are getting on top of you, and the strength you find from your friends and your family will carry you through even the worst times

Also, surround yourself with the things you love. I found that one of my biggest loves, music, has got me through all those stressful times. Take time to chill out and laugh at yourself. Life was never meant to be taken seriously all the time - why else did God create the Duck-Billed Platypus! (apologies to any platipi on the board)

Now, if I go on any longer I'm going to end up achieving enlightenment and disappear in a stroke of blinding light, so I think I'll stop

quick joke: did you hear about the Buddhist who went up to the hot dog vendor and ask him to make him one with everything :lol

[andrewbaillie]

Note to Derek: only a few years ago?

[DScollon]

:lol :lol :lol Yes Andrew, only a few.

[elliottsimpson]

Sometimes things happen which make us change all our plans – we end up in a different university from the one we wanted: we don’t get the job we’d hoped for and end up in a totally different part of the country from where we thought we’d be. Sometimes, we just have to make the best of things but, if we’re honest, we can feel hard done by.

In times like these, several people I know have found a few lines from Jeremiah’s writings have been helpful. Jeremiah is often thought of as a classic prophet of doom. Yet in the middle of some of the most gloomy sections, there are some real rainbow thoughts.

Once he wrote a letter from “the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel” (Jeremiah 29: 4-23) to the people who’d been dragged out of Jerusalem into captivity and exile in Babylonia.

(Those of you old enough to remember the group Bony M will remember their version of the song which is based on Psalm 137 and refers to this period in Israel’s history “By the rivers of Babylon we sat down; there we wept when we remembered Zion”.)

Jeremiah tells the people that they are going to be there for 70 years. So, “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. - - Seek the peace and prosperity of the cities to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you will prosper.”

Then Jeremiah adds “For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.



:) :) :)

[elliottsimpson]

An American Linguistic professor was discussing the structure of the English language telling his class: "In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

To which a Scottish voice piped up from the back: "Aye, right"


:lol :lol :lol

[jo.kane]

Hey there,
When I decided last year that I wanted to do medicine I decided to aska few of my friends what they thought and they all looked at me strangely and asked, "another five year? Why? " So, a bit disheartened I came home and started to tell my Mum about it. She reminded of something my gran used to say " Whats for you wont go by you." She used to say that and explain that if you want something enough its obviously meant for you and, it might take you a while to achieve it, but you'll get there eventually. So I totally agree. You can be whoever and whatever you want
joxxoo

[andrewbaillie]

Sounds scarily familiar! When I first decided that I wanted to do medicine once I finished my degree I kinda spent some time looking into it before I spoke to anyone else about it.

My Dad also says that stuff about 'whats for you wont go past you', and I think that is correct to a certain extent, but you also have power over what you can and cant do.

If you want something then do what you can to make sure you can get it (possibly excluding illegal stuff though guys! Maybe I can get you all to sign a disclaimer?)

[relliott]

when all else fails..... be a pest!

[elliottsimpson]

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich the smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

WH Davies (1871 – 1940)



;) ;)

[Adam Gilmour]

Hey that poems used on an advert I just cant remember which one!!!:confused: :confused: :confused:











Adam

[Adam]

lovely elliott, but i can beat it!:

There was a coo
upon a hill
its not there noo
it musta shiftit

McGonnegal



Adam

[elliottsimpson]

did you hear about the pile of bricks?

Well it's a wa noo.

[hugbug3000]

I feel that there's an ethnic gap here......

mainly between you people and those of us utterly incapable of imitating a scottish accent......

[andrewbaillie]

Hey, wasnt isnt that earlier poem in the ad for Centreparcs?

[Adam Gilmour]

Yeah thats the one!!!:D :D :D

[elliottsimpson]

Caught a short bit of an interview with Jackie Kay (author of the above collection of short stories) on Radio 4 today.

Her quote, which is today's thought, was "it's harder to take your words back than it is to get a refund"

[Devlinator]

Also,

"If you wouldnt type it and sign it, dont say it!"

[hugbug3000]

has someone been reading their school diary???

[elliottsimpson]

The Window

A great note for all to read. It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.


Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on. Do not keep this letter. Do not send money. Just forward it to your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will see that something good happens to you four days from today.

People will forget what you said...

People will forget what you did...

But people will never forget how you made them feel...

[Devlinator]

That is ooo lovely. i think i have a tear in my eye. Thats so nice elliott.

[jo.kane]

This is where we bow down to the wise Elliot. No, really, that was a nice story. I like tales like that that make you think.

Joxxoo:)

[Hayley]

:D

Yeah - definitely does make u feel better to read it.

Four days from today? That would be Tusday. Hmmm...

[elliottsimpson]

Who Packs Your Parachute?

Charles Plumb was a U.S. Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience. One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, “You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!”
“How in the world did you know that?” asked Plumb.
I packed your parachute, the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, “I guess it worked!” Plumb assured him, “It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today”.

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat, a bib in the back, and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor.

Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silk of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

“Now”, Plumb asks his audience, Who's packing your parachute?“ Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachute.

I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing my parachute!! And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack yours! Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word? Maybe this could explain: When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes. And to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke!

So next time, if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile. :)

[Hayley]

:)

[elliottsimpson]

Came across this one today:-

Never take a "no" from someone who is not empowered to give you a "yes".

[elliottsimpson]

One: Don't miss the boat. Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

[relliott]

just seeing that picture reminded me of a book

if you can get a hol do f it, read "the history of the world in ten and half chapters", not sure who by..... the first chapter starts in Noah's Ark, or actually Noah's fleet of arks so that ALL the animals could be carried without one eating another. The sotry at this point is told from the point of view of an animal in the ark... i'll not give away the twist

the rest of the book is equally as good

[elliottsimpson]

It's written by Julian Barnes and edited by Ron Middleton - just click <shopping> and guess which of your favourite web-sites gets the commission!

[relliott]

yep, that's the one... great wee book

[elliottsimpson]

"If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish motives; be kind anyway. If you're successful, you'll win both false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway. What you spend years building, someone may destroy over night; build anyway. The good you do today most people will forget; do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it's between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway ."

[elliottsimpson]

The following advice is attributed to Bill Gates.

1) Life isn't fair - get used to it
2) The World doesn't care about your self esteem; it expects you to accomplish something BEFORE feeling good about yourself
3) You wont make $60,000 a year right out of school, or be vice-president with a car phone. You have to earn it
4) Think your teacher's tough? Wait till you have a boss - he owns the company!
5) Flipping burgers isn't beneath you; your grandparents called it opportunity
6) Your parents weren't always boring; it came from feeding you, washing your clothes and paying your bills. So before you save the rain forest from the "parasites" of your parent's generation, try delousing your own wardrobe
7) Some schools may have abolished winners and losers, but life hasn't. They may have eradicated "fail" grades and given you as long as you want to get the right answer. This bears NO resemblance to reality.
8) Life isn't divided into terms; you don't get summers off. Employers aren't interested in helping you "find yourself"; you do that in your own time
9) Unlike television, real people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to work
10) Be nice to nerds - chances are you'll end up working for one.

Solomon said "sloth makes you poor; diligence brings wealth" and "laziness wants it all and gets nothing; the energetic have something to show for their lives"

[Gary T]

haha:lol :lol :lol

good one there elliott:up:

[relliott]

but oh so true, oh so true

*rubs her botty from the amount of times that life has bitten her there*

[marie]

lol
what a great wee thread :)

[relliott]

A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

by Edgar Allan Poe
(1827)

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

[jo.kane]

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6.I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7.When I've captured my adversary and he says, ``Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?'' I'll say, ``No.'' and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say ``No.''

8.After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9.I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled ``Danger: Do Not Push''. The big red button marked ``Do Not Push'' will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10.I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11.I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12.One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13.All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14.The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15.I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16.I will never utter the sentence ``But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know.''

17.When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18.I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19.I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20.Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21.I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22.No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23.I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24.I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line ``No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!'' (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25.No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26.No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27.I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have reduntant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28.My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29.I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30.All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31.All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32.I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33.I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34.I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35.I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36.I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37.If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38.If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39.If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40.I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41.Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42.When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43.I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44.I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45.I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say ``And here is the price for failure,'' then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46.If an advisor says to me ``My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?'', I will reply ``This.'' and kill the advisor.

47.If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48.I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49.If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50.My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51.If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52.I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53.If the beautiful princess that I capture says ``I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!'', I will say ``Oh well'' and kill her.

54.I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55.The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56.My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57.Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58.If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59.I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60.My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61.If my advisors ask ``Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?'', I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62.I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63.Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64.I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65.If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66.My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67.No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68.I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69.All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70.When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71.If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72.If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73.I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74.When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk ``Project Overlord'' and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75.I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76.If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77.If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78.I will not tell my Legions of Terror ``And he must be taken alive!'' The command will be ``And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical.''

79.If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80.If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81.If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82.I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83.If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84.I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85.I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. ``Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.'' Instead it will be more along the lines of ``Push the button.''

86.I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87.My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88.If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89.After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90.I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91.I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92.If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93.If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94.When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95.My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96.My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97.My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98.If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99.Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100.Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

[jo.kane]

I thought the above advice might be good for those with more exotic career asperations,. For the rest of you hopefully it will provide some humour!!!!!!

Joxxoo

[Gary T]

i liked that last bit about the unlimited internet access!!!:lol :lol :lol

[Boogie Man]

If only all super villians would follow this common sense. Well done for spreadin the word.

[Gary T]

yeah but the one about the file size is just annoying... after all a floppy can only store 1.44Mb

[Boogie Man]

once the world is conquered we will take care of that.

[Gary T]

why dont you just reduce the price of cd rewriters and blank cds... then you can limit the file size to a very reasonable 700mb

[Boogie Man]

uh?:confused: :confused: :confused:

[elliottsimpson]

On the vanity of Earthly Greatness

The tusks that clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.

The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is ferric oxide, known as rust.

The grizzly bear whose potent hug
Was feared by all, is now a rug.

Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
And I don't feel so well myself.

Arthur Guiterman (1871 - 1943)

[elliottsimpson]

You'll be greeted
by a nice cup of coffee
when you get to heaven
and strains of angelic harmony.

But wouldn't you be devastated
if they only serve decaffeinated
while from the percolators of hell

you soul was assaulted
by Satan's fresh espresso smell?

John Agard

[Adam Gilmour]

I thought I'd post a favourite of mine from a great philosopher.

"Gaze long into the abyss, and the abyss gazes into you."

Friedrich Nietzsche

[relliott]

there are two ways to live life:

one is as though nothing is a miracle
the other is as if everything is a miracle

(Albert Einstein)

[Adam Gilmour]

And another

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

M.K. Gandhi

[elliottsimpson]

To lead people, walk beside them... As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence. The next best, the people honor and praise. The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate... When the best leader's work is done the people say, 'We did it ourselves!'

Lao Tzu about 551-479 BC

[Hayley]

It is better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.



(Although not with regards to war.:( )

[relliott]

i adopted a new life philosophy that works great and has taken me places i would never have gone myself, so i thought i'd share it with the others here

1) try everything twice - first time may just have been a bad experience

2) when faced with two choices, go with the one you havent done before

this is most likely how i ended up in Rio's - UK's only naturist spa which is in london becuase my other option was stay in with a curry and a video.

self expansion is a great thing, find out what you can do and do it to your fullest. I've discovered more about mysefl and made loads of new friends since i started sticking to my philosophy. Try it and see what happens.

[Adam Gilmour]

Thought I'd revise this thread with something new!

"How ridiculous and what a stranger he is who is surprised by anything which happens in life"

Marcus Aurelius

[relliott]

I have spent a long time reading today and the most important thing i learned is:

"All men (and women) are created equal."

What a shame that George Orwell kicks in every time i hear that:

"but some are more equal than others"

[Adam Gilmour]

A little bit of Ovid is always a classic to quote to those intellectual ladies out there who aint impressed by the usual drunken chat up lines. ;)

"Meminerunt omnia amantes" Ovid

[raz]

which means??????????

[Pud]

My extensive knowledge of google (sorry, latin) tells me it's "Lovers remember everything"

[Jenny]

Thought this might appeal to someone:

For it is not inertia alone
that is responsible for human relationships repeating
themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and
unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new,unforeseeable
experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope.

Rainier Maria Rilke
:luvu:

[relliott]

Just thought i'd pass this lil bit of advice on. I got it from www.despair.com:

[Adam Gilmour]

My extensive knowledge of google (sorry, latin) tells me it's "Lovers remember everything"

Sorry forgot about this post. Yep you are right it means lovers remember everything, good thing to quote to an ex to shut them up while they go away and try to figure out what it means ;)

[elliottsimpson]

I can't believe it's over a year since we had a new thought.

This little story comes at the end of Gervase Phinn's book "Over Hill and Dale" - highly recommend his books; I genuinely laughed out loud when reading them.

Anyway, this is a serious story on the last page called "Remember me?"

"Do you remember me?" asked the young man.
The old man at the bus stop,
Shabby, standing in the sun, alone,
Looked round.
He stared for a moment screwing up his eyes,
Then shook his head.
"No, I don't remember you."
"You used to teach me," said the young man.
"I've taught so many," said the old man, sighing.
"I forget."
"I was the boy you said was useless,
Good for nothing, a waste of space.
Who always left your classroom crying,
And dreaded every lesson you taught."
The old man shook his head and turned away.
"No, I don't remember you," he muttered.

"Well, I remember you," the young man said.

[elliottsimpson]

Gervase Phinn writes about his experiences as a schools’ inspector in North Yorkshire. He recounts once comparing notes with another inspector and they both lament the lack of poetry in the schools in their area. The colleague describes a visit to one school where there was really no sign of appreciation of poetry at all. Then when she was looking through a book which belonged to “a nervous little boy - - with large sad eyes” she found a gem.

“At the very back of the book I came across a piece of writing in small crabbed print. I asked him if he had written it. He nodded. I asked him if he had received any help with it. He shook his head. Well, it was quite a small masterpiece. He had written, and I remember the words so well:

Yesterday yesterday yesterday
Sorrow sorrow sorrow
Today today today
Hope hope hope
Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow
Love love love

‘What a wonderful little poem,’ I told him.
He thought for a while, stared up at me with those large, sad eyes and announced: ‘They’re mi spelling corrections, miss’”

[marcus_k]

I totally, absolutely, utterly agree!!! If you want to do something in life, you can! Positive thinking is something that I absolutely LOVE!

[elliottsimpson]

It is better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.Someone defined "sins of omission" as those we could have committed but didn't.

[elliottsimpson]

The "Buffy" posts which followed this thought are in a new thread

[Faye]

Thanks Elliott, I started to get a little carried away :o

[elliottsimpson]

Haven't had a "thought" for a few months - hope you like this one.

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt, as young
as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your
hope, as old as your despair. So long as your heart receives
messages of beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the
earth, from man and from the infinite, so long are you young. When
the wires are all down and all the central place of your heart is
covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then
you are grown old indeed and may God have mercy on your soul.

Author Unknown, quoted in Riches for the Mind and Spirit (ed.
John Marks Templeton). Christianity Today, Vol. 35, no. 3.

[marcus_k]

I really like that, it just reminds me that we should be constantly looking at the optimist view, and when we fail, we don't get all down about it, but try again, with new "beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the earth, from man and from the infinite"

[dMcgeadie]

Read Chicken Soup for The Soul, full of encouraging stories. I like them..

[iain_261188]

i read chicken soup for the teenage soul.


i thought it was rather pants.

[relliott]

I am an optimist..... who carries an umbrella

[dMcgeadie]

Shocking!


Mines was for middle aged women :D

[elliottsimpson]

I can't believe it's nearly a year since we had a "thought". This one is especially for those of you who have just had offers of places at universities which will mean that you will need to leave home.

Come to the Edge

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
And he pushed,
And they flew.

Christopher Logue (born 23 Nov 1926)

[Adam Gilmour]

"People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent."

Bob Dylan

[davidmed]

I can't believe it's nearly a year since we had a "thought". This one is especially for those of you who have just had offers of places at universities which will mean that you will need to leave home.

Come to the Edge

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
And he pushed,
And they flew.

Christopher Logue (born 23 Nov 1926)


very true elliot! what seems like something which cant be beaten can always be overcome with determination and will! The otherside of it you will emerge a stronger more wholler person

[Liz]

thats really inspirational elliott :) merci

[dMcgeadie]

"You start to mistrust very clever people when they get embaraassed"

-Nietzsche

[Damien]

Interesting one...

[Devlinator]

He who fails to try, tries to fail!

and i thomas jefferson said

"i find that the harder i work, the luckier i seem to become"

[elliottsimpson]

There once was a sailor my grandfather knew
Who had so many things which he wanted to do
That, whenever he thought it was time to begin
He couldn’t because of the state he was in.

He was shipwrecked and lived on an island for weeks,
and he wanted some breeks;
And he wanted some nets, or a line and some hook
For the turtles and things which you read of in books

And, thinking of this, he remembered a thing
Which he wanted (for water) and that was a spring;
And he thought that to talk to he’d look for, and keep
(If he found it) a goat, or some chickens and sheep.

Then, because of the weather, he wanted a hut
With a door (to come in by) which opened and shut
(With a jerk, which was useful if snakes were about),
And a very strong lock to keep savages out.

He began on the fish-hooks, and when he’d begun
He decided he couldn’t because of the sun.
So he knew what he ought to begin with, and that
Was to find, or to make, a large sun-stopping hat.

He was making the hat with some leaves from a tree,
When he thought, “I’m as hot as a body can be,
And I’ve nothing to take for my terrible thirst;
So I’ll look for a spring, and I’ll look for it first.”

Then he thought as he started, “Oh dear and oh dear!
I’ll be lonely tomorrow with nobody here!”
So he made in his notebook a couple of notes:
“I must first find some chickens” and “No, I mean goats!”

He had just seen a goat (which he knew by the shape)
When he thought, “But I must have a boat for escape.
But a boat means a sail, which means needles and thread;
So I’d better sit down and make needles instead.”

He began on a needle, but thought as he worked,
That, if this was an island where savages lurked,
Sitting safe in his hut he’d have nothing to fear,
Whereas now they might suddenly breathe in his ear!

So he thought of his hut…and he thought of his boat,
And his hat and his breeks, and his chickens and goat,
And the hooks (for his food) and the spring (for his thirst)…
But he never could think which he ought to do first.

And so in the end he did nothing at all,
But basked on the shingle wrapped up in a shawl.
And I think it was dreadful the way he behaved-
He did nothing but basking until he was saved!

[elliottsimpson]

“TOO MANY LAWS - TOO FEW EXAMPLES”

Saint-Just (a French Revolutionary hero)

Heard on Radio 4 today

[elliottsimpson]

"Blessed are the cracked - - they let the light in"

Heard on the BBC2 last night

[davidmed]

truely a poet!

[elliottsimpson]

truely a poet!
Found a poem - "Wreckers or Builders"


I watched them tearing a building down,
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a ho-heave-ho and lusty yell,
They swung a beam and a sidewall fell.
I asked the foreman, "Are these men skilled,
As the men you'd hire if you had to build?"
He gave me a laugh and said, "No indeed!
Just common labor is all I need.
I can easily wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken a year to do."
And I tho't to myself as I went my way,
Which of these two roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by the rule and square?
Am I shaping my deeds by a well-made plan,
Patiently doing the best I can?
Or am I a wrecker who walks the town,
Content with the labor of tearing down?

-- Unknown

[elliottsimpson]

and a joke:-


A woman sees a lawyer about a divorce.

He asks, Any grounds?

Woman: yeah, about 2 acres.

Lawyer: Do you have a grudge ?

Woman: No, we have a car port.

Lawyer: Does your husband beat you up in the morning ?

Woman: No,I get up before him.

Agitated lawyer: Well, do you or don't you want a divorce ?

Woman: No, my husband wants it...he says he can't communicate with me !

[elliottsimpson]

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then you are probably a dog.

[Kieran Montgomery]

how true , how true :-)

[iain_261188]

I read today that a medical student learns more new vocabulary in their first year than a student studying languages.

[elliottsimpson]

“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

[davidmed]

i was told once that it is better to remain silent and appear stupid than to speak and removed any doubt as to my intelligence.....charming eh:mad:

[andrewbaillie]

“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

sometimes i think i come across the totally opposite way lol

[elliottsimpson]

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other.

Jascha Heifetz

(who? don't know - apparently he was a Russian-American and according to http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Jascha_Heifetz/ this is the only memorable thing he ever said!)

[heed]

he was a violinist from lithuania and possibly a spy too into the bargain....